The Not So Sweet Nutcracker
by tiggeranddash
Summary: Sequel to In Which Physics Doesn't Apply. Riley Evans is as abnormal as they come. She lives at Santa's workshop, teases the Easter Bunny, and dates the spirit of winter, Jack Frost. So when the nutcracker Santa made her comes to life and pleads for help, Riley is willing to jump on board. She and Jack Frost are off to save the Candy Kingdom using the power of teenage sarcasm.


Tigger: AND SO BEGINS THE SEQUEL! Read "In Which Physics Doesn't Apply" first or this will not make any sense at all or whatsoever.

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Riley Evans was a not a normal person in any way. To begin with she adored physics, was a Tumblr fangirl, and had an affinity for homemade flamethrowers. She also cursed like a sailor, was extremely outspoken, and often spoke before she thought. Even her looks were a bit abnormal with her bright orange hair and her bright red pea coat she favored. While all that may have been strange Riley's strangest didn't begin to peak until she fell down a rabbit hole five months ago.

But you see dear reader this wasn't an ordinary rabbit hole Riley happened to fall in, oh no, this particular rabbit hole was actually a wormhole between dimensions created by the Man in the Moon in an alternate universe. The Man in the Moon continued to communicate through Riley's phone although Riley was not aware of this at the time or aware that she had landed in an alternate universe. Riley was guided to Santa's workshop where she lived for several months with the yetis and elves and befriended a group of mythical creatures comprised of the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Sandman called the Guardians. The Guardians were in charge of protecting the children of the world. Four months after her landing, Pitch Black (or the Boogeyman as he was more commonly known) began a war against the Guardians and the Guardians were told to recruit Jack Frost. Through a series of events and pure stubbornness Riley (equipped with flamethrowers and magic snow globes) became involved with helping the Guardians save the world. Along the way Jack and Riley developed an attraction to each other which eventually blossomed into a relationship. Pitch was defeated, the world was saved, and Jack Frost was finally believed in. All's well that ends well, right?

Not necessarily. Riley was from another dimension which technically counted her human but also frozen in time. She would never age until she returned to her own dimension which was out of her hands. The wormhole home could open up tomorrow or decades from now. Which left Riley in a bit of a lurch. If you think Riley would worry about something like this you would be wrong. Riley was having a good time with the Guardians. She loved living at the North Pole. She loved making fun of Bunny and making cookies with yetis. She loved using portals to do ultimate sledding with Jack Frost. Where Riley stumbled a bit was her relationship with Jack. She liked Jack, he was definitely attractive, funny, and a nice guy. But they sort of fell together in the rush of the big saving the world thing. Plus Jack was an immortal guardian. They couldn't exactly go on dates to the movies or out to dinner.

This had presented a bit of a problem when they first got together. Jack had been alone for three hundred years. Suddenly caring for someone was difficult. Riley however refused to let Jack retreat into a shell. She basically said she was in this because he was fun to be with and if he attempted to distance himself from her again (which was a stupid idea because she had magic portals which tracked his location) she was going to spend the rest of her days using her flamethrowers to melt his precious snow. Then she had punched him in the arm, kissed him, and dragged him to go sledding. Their relationship wasn't solid, but they were working on it.

At the moment Riley was decorating one of the trees in Santa's workshop. The yetis were helping her hang ornaments while the elves where tangled up in the lights. That was okay because Riley had specifically put out a strand of non-working lights just for the elves to play with. Carlos the yeti was attempting to untangle them for some reason, really it was a lost cause because he had just done so fifteen minutes ago and the elves had already managed to tangle themselves again.

"Carlos," Riley waved to get his attention, "Help me! The tree is too tall."

Riley gestured this by standing on her tip toes and waving the ornament in her hand around, trying to get it in a higher branch. This probably was a pretty stupid idea because Riley was standing on top of a ladder already. Really the tree they were decorating was ridiculously large. Santa had built it himself and it running train tracks through it and all sorts of moving knick knacks and toys. The tree even played music and twirled while the lights flashed in time with it. Yes, Santa was ridiculously proud of his tree and all Riley could wonder was why he decided to build one in August. A silly question to ask Santa Claus because he had proclaimed she didn't have enough Christmas spirit and set about fixing that. One of the many steps to regaining Christmas spirit was to decorate the giant ass tree. Really Riley thought this was bit unfair because she lived Christmas 24/7 and she even dated the spirit of winter. Obviously she liked Christmas but sometimes she needed other things like non-Christmas music or food that wasn't cookies. Santa almost had a heart attack when he caught her making latkes and dancing around to some Japanese pop music. She had tried to tell him that she just had a craving but Santa was aghast. He had immediately set to building her a set of Christmas items including the tree and when Riley questioned the tree she ended up here on a latter in a brand new bright red Christmas dress with a snowflake pattern in August. This led to her failing around on the ladder, having her dress (damn dresses she would take a Christmas sweater and jeans any day) snag on a branch, and then Riley attempted to pull her dress loose and falling off the ladder. Thankfully she was snagged out of the air by a pair of cold hands

"I've got you," a voice whispered in her ear.

"Jack, you have some awesome timing," Riley complimented as Jack placed her on the floor.

"Does that get a kiss?" Jack quirked an eyebrow.

"That depends," Riley poked his chest, "Will you help me decorate the tree?"

"In August?"

"I know, I know," Riley waved a hand, "It's Santa's punishment for liking Jew foods."

"And the dress?"

"I didn't have enough Christmas spirit."

Jack pulled Riley close his hands roaming the dress.

"I like the snowflake pattern," he grinned.

"Oh do you?" Riley asked sarcastically, "I never would have guessed."

"Smart ass," Jack chuckled.

"Cute ass," Riley hung her ornament on Jack's cane and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Riley! Look what I made you!" Santa bellowed from his workshop.

"You have crappy timing Santa!" Riley yelled back.

"Language! Or I'll put on naughty list!"

Riley made some exasperated hand motions. Jack gave her a quick peck.

"Go see what the old man wants," Jack pushed her forward, "I'll finish decorating this tree."

"And when I get back I want to portal to the least Christmas-y place ever," Riley complained, "And then I'm going to eat all the latkes I want."

"Of course," Jack chuckled.

Riley headed off towards Santa's private workroom. She cursed and grumbled under her breath about damn Christmas spirit and Santa's awful timing.

"What up Santa?" Riley asked entering the room.

"Come look what I built," Santa ushered her over.

Riley walked over and peered over Santa's shoulder. Santa held in his hands a beautiful nutcracker. He wore a beautiful blue solider suit and tall black solider hat. Unlike normal nutcracker dolls he didn't have the beard and mustache. His hair was bright orange and his cheeks were painted a bright rosy red. He even had some little freckles across his nose.

"Interesting hair choice," Riley remarked.

"I had the right inspiration," Santa said placing the little sword in the soldier's hand, "I based it off someone who needed a little Christmas spirit."

"Well it's still beautiful," Riley said, "Even if your purpose for creating it was based on potato revenge."

"We have perfectly good cookies," Santa grumbled.

"Yes, I know. I made them," Riley took the nutcracker from Santa's hands, "So shall I place him on the tree?"

"You have to name him first," Santa said.

"Mr. Steven McAdams the Nutcracker," Riley named him, "Can I go now?"

"Why that name?"

"Why the hell not?"

"Fine. Fine. Take your Nutcracker," Santa waved her out.

Riley took her Nutcracker and headed back to the tree. Jack was hanging some unusual ornaments on the tree.

"Jack," Riley asked, "Are those frozen elves?"

"They were annoying me," Jack flew over, "Besides I think they make rather nice ornaments."

Riley glanced up at the tree. The elves were frozen in weird positions. One had his tongue stuck to another frozen elf. Another was picking his nose. It was really quite peculiar. The again Santa had stuck her in this dress.

"It's the most beautiful tree in existence," Riley complimented, "Hang up my nutcracker and we can go."

Jack took it from her hands and examined it.

"Interesting hair choice," Jack muttered.

"That's what I said! It's more of Santa's revenge. I named him Steven McAdams."

"Because you could?" Jack asked.

"You know me so well," Riley beamed, "Now come on. I think Australia needs a snowball fight."

The nutcracker was placed in the tree and Riley and Jack portaled off.

Riley returned several hours later. It was nighttime now at the North Pole. The elves had melted and run off somewhere, leaving puddles of water. The lights on the tree twinkled merrily and a soft tune was playing.

"Those kids could sure throw a snowball," Jack chuckled coming through the portal.

"They sure could," Riley yawned, "Although Team Red Lady totally kicked ass."

"You keep telling yourself that," Jack said, "Why don't you go to bed?"

"I'm not tired," Riley stifled another yawn, "Besides I want to spend time together just you and me."

Jack gave her a soft smile. Sometimes Riley saw this softer side of Jack. The vulnerable side of him. The side of him that was afraid he would never have any believers. Sometimes when he was playing with the children and when they were running around laughing he would have this look on his face. It was happiness but also sadness, like he knew the moment couldn't last forever but he wanted it too. Lately he had been given her those looks. Sometimes when they were having snowball fights or she was making cookies or she was making fun of Bunny she would look over her shoulder and Jack would have this smile on his face.

"Jack?" she began.

Jack shook his head.

"I'll get some hot chocolate so you can stay awake," Jack walked out the door.

"But but," Riley grasped at thin air, "Oh fuck muffins."

Riley plopped herself down on the couch in front of the tree. It really was a beautiful sight. Riley looked around the tree for her nutcracker. She couldn't find it.

"One of the damn elves must have took it," Riley yawned and leaned against the couch, "Damn elves."

Riley snuggled into the couch and closed her eyes. She was almost in dreamland when a noise startled her.

"Jack?" she asked.

There was a scurrying noise.

"Not Jack," Riley whispered to herself, "Well unless he became a mouse. Then we have bigger issues."

There was noise coming from behind the tree. Riley crept forward. She hoped to god it was the elves. She would pay anything for it to be elves. She turned the corner.

"Damn it not elves," Riley cursed.

Instead it was a bunch of mice carrying off her nutcracker. Normal people would have backed down or have been freaked out by somewhat large walking talking mice. Riley however was not normal.

"Freeze rodents," Riley stepped in front of them, "I have no idea how you got to the North Pole and I really don't care but that is my Steven McAdams and you will give him back."

"He is the enemy of our king and we are bringing him to our king!" one of the mice explained.

"How can he be anyone's enemy? He was made six hours ago!"

"He tried to overthrow our king and vengeance is needed!"

"The fuck you talking about mouse?"

"Vengeance! Vengeance!" the mice began to cackle.

"You guys need therapy," Riley leaned over and plucked her nutcracker from the mice's grasp.

"Give him back! Give him back!" the mice demanded.

"Look if you want your own nutcrackers I'm sure Santa will make some for you," Riley attempted to pacify them, "But this one is mine and I'm already potentially on Santa's naughty list."

The mice pulled out tiny swords and charged towards Riley.

"Oh fuck no!" Riley kicked a few, "God damn where's my flamethrower?!"

More and more mice were coming from nowhere. They took out cannons and swords and little bow and arrows. Riley managed to keep from being hit but they were surrounding her feet and she was backed up against the wall.

"Jack!" Riley called, "Jack! Santa! Carlos! Where the fuck is everyone?!"

At that moment the nutcracker in Riley's hands began to twist and turn. Riley dropped him in shock and Steven McAdams landed on his feet. He pulled out his sword and began to do battle with the mice. It was actually quite amazing but Riley wasn't really the type to sit back and stare. She took some ornaments and smashed them into some mice.

"Take that motherfucker!" Riley shouted.

Steven McAdams was cutting through the ranks like a pro. A pro what she didn't know. But definitely a pro. Just then the mouse king joined the game. The nutcracker and the king did battle and Riley watched in awe. Jack walked into the room.

"Uh Riley," he was holding two mugs of hot chocolate, "What's going on?"

"Steven McAdams is battling the mice king who is apparently trying to get revenge for something Steven McAdams did even though he's less than a day old. I didn't want to share and the mice are attempting to kill me with tiny swords."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah I have no idea how I get into these situations."

The little mice tried to charge Riley's feet again and she used candy canes from the tree like throwing stars.

"I like these shoes!" Riley kicked at a mouse who attempted to stab her toes.

Jack froze the nearby mice and handed her a mug of hot chocolate.

"I left you alone for ten minutes," Jack sighed, "My troublesome smart ass."

"Quiet cute ass," Riley sipped her hot chocolate, "Shit happens."

The two continued to watch as Steven McAdams and the mouse king did battle.

"Should we interfere?" Riley asked at one point.

"I could freeze them," Jack suggested.

Riley gave him a look.

"It was just a suggestion."

Eventually Steven McAdams knocked the sword out of the mouse king's hand.

"Whoot go Steven!" Riley cheered.

"I have you now mouse king," Steven held his sword to the mouse king's throat, "Any last words?"

"Can I allow murder at the North Pole?" Riley asked Jack.

"If you think this over you are sorely mistaken," the mouse king laughed, "You will never see your lovely fiancée again."

"Fiancée, huh?" Jack murmured, "He works fast."

"He had a busy six hours," Riley agreed.

"What have you done with her?" Steven threatened the king.

"You will never find her in time. She is to marry my son."

Steven stabbed the mouse king and the mouse king turned to dust.

"Oddly that makes me feel better," Riley noted.

The remaining mice grabbed their frozen buddies and headed towards the Christmas tree where the scurried in through a mouse hole at the trunk.

"Should we tell North he has a pest problem?" Jack turned to Riley.

"Probably, should we ask Steven why he's alive?" Riley answered a question with a question.

"Most likely" Jack shrugged.

Steven walked over to the two of them and bowed.

"My fair Sir and Miss, I require your assistance," Steven spoke, "The mouse king has kidnapped my dear fiancée and I am desperate to get her back. Will you accompany me on a quest to save her?"

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Tigger: Let me know what you think! Also this will probably not follow any plot of any Nutcracker film you know. Another note. I will not be updating every day like the last fic. Why? Because the holidays are coming and I have family things to do. But I will still update somewhat regularly! Have no fear! Also REVIEW CAUSE I LOVE YOU!


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